The process of becoming

About first attempts

Most of us have that perfect idea of the first attempt at everything and anything we do because we want to make a perfect first impression. That's exactly what happened to me before I taught one of my first classes. However, as the lecture manifested itself, I realised it was more of me trying to overcome my fears rather than making any perfectionist impressions. My stage-fright causes me great anxiety, as a direct result of which I end up stammering. When I was delivering the lecture, I stammered throughout. I also noticed people making fun at each point of my stammering. A little humiliated, I began to be conscious of my words. But even then, I deliberately didn't try to control my speech. I let it stammer as it would. I concentrated on the content matter I had to convey to my audience. Inside my mind, there was a sea of contemplations. I thought about how miserably I failed at my first attempt.

To my surprise, at the end of my class, several students came up to me and told me how I simplified so many scientific concepts for them. Some liked the diverse examples of case studies I used. Some even sounded very eager to start an email correspondence and learn more about what I taught them. My stammering and anxiety didn't seem like an obstacle to their understanding of my language. My afterthoughts about my performance turned from being negative to positive. I felt so encouraged because of those students. I realised that no matter how I would have performed, there would always be people who would find flaws; but in equilibrium, there would also be people who would find some good. And, it is the good that I need to emphasize on.

I think this was an important experience for the first time I did this. If anything, it only enabled me to walk out as a stronger person from that classroom. It only encouraged me to improve and perform better for those who saw the positive side in me, who thought I was capable of doing what I did. According to me, first attempts are not about perfection but rather about discovering one's strengths and weaknesses. They are about using those strengths and working on those weaknesses to surpass the previous version of one's self! Hence, in the future, no first attempt will ever be a failure for me, it will always be an opportunity to learn.

For, to me, perfection is not an end, it is an everlasting journey!

© Bhakti Gohil, 2017